Tramping it up...

In the words of The Cranberries; "Everybody Else is Doing it So Why Can't We?"

I am officially unemployed, Charlotte is doing a stirling job of disguising her teacher status (read in to this what you will), and lastnight we were officially homeless...time to make like a hobo, Euro-stylee!

Two tramps, namely the disheveled and beer scented Lionya Bench, and her companion, the moth eaten, nesty headed Robyn Binz, contemplate the street of Prague at 11am, lives slung over their shoulders. Lastnight's busking attempts proved unprofitable- the Czechs were non-too appreciative of the brilliance of the Take That medley (they will never integrate fully into European culture at this rate).

A few Krona rattling around in their grubby pockets they seek out cheap eats. The street cleaners have just done their daily rounds so bin rooting is a little slow today. A sports bar with images of gentitalia identifying the relevant toilet will do nicely. Better wrap up half of the grub for later- never know when the next tourist waste treasure will pop up. The sun is beating down and not wanting to offend their only friend further with their respective body odours, the girls opt for an afternoon of bench snoozing in the park. A thoughtful dog owner sends his canine sidekick over to relieve himself near their feet- they were filthy after all... sweaty having endured the midday sun, Lionya and Robyn swap ideas for how to freshen up for the evening. Lionya suggests washing in the fountain on Wenceslas Square. Robyn points out that this may be somewhat undignified given the tourist crowds.

"Yes, you're right, we don't want noone thinkin weez some sort o' scrubulikers",

Then...an epiphany...

"The Czechs pour beers with foamy heads bigger than the Jackson Fives', lets get a beer and have a wash in that!",

"Faaabulous idea Lionya, we will smell great- all the top perfume houses use alcohol in their scents- and then we can drink the remains woop woop!".

So off they go.

Well oiled and refreshed they head off to the train station for some late night action. Things were disappointingly slow for a Tuesday.

"I know, why don't we jump the overnight train to Budapest, it's well dead and this place smells funny anyway..."

Dos and don'ts of Poland...

Do:

- always always always save a zloty (2 to be extra cautious) for the train station toilets (instead of spending up at the bar the night before)

- take a raincoat and shelve any ideas that you are in for any sort of summer holiday tomfoolery

- enjoy the Zubrowska vodka with apple juice...responsibly ;-)

- engage in conversation with a weasel or 2, they teach you tolerance and patience (essential skills in the world of Interail)

- befriend 1 or more stag parties who offer to buy you rounds of tequila (you may as well cooperate as you don't generally get a choice)

- sample a range of Irish bars (you can take the Brit out of Britain but you can't take Britain out of the Brit)

- dance the funky chicken whilst surrounded by uber-trendy, muscle bound, village people trainee worthy Polish yoof and let them think this is the latest craze sweeping Western Europe (then go back in 10 years to reap the rewards of your teachings)

- book yourself into a hostel worthy of an Alfred Hitchcock set (see in particular The Shining)


Don't:

- bathe in fountains where the local tramp lady has her daily shave

- frequent internet cafes where they issue paedophile ring membership cards

- OD on dumplings, noone will thank you for the resulting bowel issues

- fall for the charms of the tramp who trys to sell you a 1 zloty coin for 10 zloty

- take up offers from men who claim they just want to be your draft excluder for the evening

- spend hours perfecting your Polish pronunciation, nobody (especially the Poles) gives a flying blini. Blank looks all round!!


Happy backpacking, see you in Praha (Prague for those of you not savvy with the local lingo)

Dobry den,

Chazza's Tours (anyone interested in taking said tour should book directly with their local Polskie Sklep)

Interail for the challenged...

Interail is a straightforward concept-right? Buy pass, get on train, job done...

First day on the road/rails and the two silly English girls have naffed it up already by deciding to get on a train without looking at the start date on the pass, which happens to be tomorrow(worthy of note here that the start date was entirely our own decision). Thus we begin our effortless, ticketless trip at the ticket office at cross-purposes with an apparently hearing impaired Polish ticket lady, intent on sending us to Bratislava rather than the comparatively nearby Wroclaw (VROTS-wav?!), where we actually wanted to go. Can I just point out that my Polish pronunciation was near perfect, so obviously this misunderstanding was down to her hearing problems and not my Yorko-Polish accent. Tickets purchased we head off to the comfort of our new home for the next four and a half hours- a luxurious spot (sit anywhere ya like) on top of our rucksacks next to the toilet.

Lesson learnt- reserve seats. The trains here are busier than the Polish translation department at Job Centre Plus...

FACT Interail is a challenge...or is that just us?? :-/

Krakow...moist and cultured

Arrived in Poland to find that Marie Curie, Pope John Paul II and Chopin all bezzed here for a bit apparently so we are in the good company we are so well accustomed to! We are well settled in to the palace that is the Jump Inn hostel, which incidently is not what we will be doing on the beds as they are so damned creaky...otherwise a very nice establishment. Already developing a taste for Zebrowska vodka (which comes with a free blade of grass what a bargain!)- think this could prove dangerous as we have 100 steps to climb every time we want to go back to our room. Saw some flying things that looked like bats and got rather concerned that they were vampire bats on their way to Trannsylvania, that was until we remembered that they only go for virgins so I think we might be safe on that note!!

Today we kicked off the tour of the Irish bars of Europe (we are British after all), befriended Jim the Kosovan kebab man, visited the Jewish quarter (survey of big Jewish noses began) and a few synagogues to boot, looked around some impressive churches. Have visited so many religious buildings we could actually be in line to be the next Pope (obviously disregarding the vampire issue, being female and come to think of it the visiting of Jewish institutions)... never mind I don't really think that was top of either of our career aspirations lists anyway.

So far all is good, we are learning Polish manners and becoming all round refined and cultured ladies...for the moment anyway, the vodka is coming out shortly (what-it's a major part of Polish national culture!!!). Hopefully the sunshine will do the same :-)

Auschwitz tomorrow...